World Domination

Greetings, earthlings!

Last month, my mom asked my little brother what he was going to ask Santa for for Christmas.

"Successful world domination," he replied (this kid's going places).

"I'm pretty sure he can only bring things that fit in his sack," said my mother. Abe thought about this for a moment, then announced that he would ask for elves to do his bidding.

My other brother asked for a cute pet reindeer.

World domination does not fit in a stocking. In fact, it's pretty hard to change the world at all. I totally get trying to make a difference in your family and community, but the world? Our planet has a surface area of 196.9 MILLION square miles. I'd love it if writing this blog would inspire millions and change the hearts of the whole human race, but let's be realistic. If you're reading this now and you're not my mother, it's kind of a miracle. So how the heck are any of us supposed to change the world? Can we?

There's an interesting idea called the butterfly effect that says a butterfly flapping its wings in Mexico could lead to a flood in Germany, because of wind and weather patterns and stuff. So maybe all you have to do to change the world is go out and flap your arms like a lunatic.

Yeah, I think I have a better idea.

There's this website, Greater Good, where clicking on a box every day provides meals, breast cancer and autism research, books and education for children in third world countries, and lot of other stuff, too. Yes, it's legit. Some kid realized that by putting advertisements on a page pays based on page views. So he set up this website where all of the money from the ads goes to helping people in various ways. Since 1999, they've given over thirty million dollars to charities all over the globe.

So can one person change the entire world? I'm still thinking that over. But I do think that one person can make a difference. Here's an old protest song from the sixties. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Don't Be An Idiot

I often wonder how other people see me. Like, when you listen to your voice after it's been recorded and you realize how goofy you sound. I have days where I'm the most beautiful person alive, and then I have days where I want to hide under a bridge like the ugly troll I am.

I was talking to my mother about what a fool I'd made out of myself in front of a boy I had a crush on, and she told me something that changed my whole perspective on life. "Honey," she said, "he might be a big part of your life, but you're not a big part of his. He doesn't see you as this big weirdo. He just sees you as a little weirdo."

I was appalled, but I understood the point she was making. You can never really understand what someone else thinks of you, and oftentimes it's better than you think. I have a friend who recently told me how she struggled with self-esteem and mental illnesses. I never would've guessed in a million years. She was the friend who was always smiling, always made me laugh, always had something nice to say. She was the most bubbly, sociable person in the world, and I couldn't imagine how she saw herself as anything less than that.

I'm going to stop right here because I can tell I'm already getting sorta sappy, but let me leave you folks with this song by one of my music idols, Frank Turner. It is appropriately entitled Reasons Not To Be An Idiot. The first line goes like this:

YOU'RE NOT AS MESSED UP AS YOU THINK YOU ARE! YOUR SELF-ABSORPTION MAKES YOU MESSIER!

Happy listening!

Handwriting

   Greetings, earthlings, and welcome to the omnipotent AMPHIGRAPH!
   In case you weren't aware, today is National Handwriting Day in the U.S. The study of handwriting (graphology) isn't a terribly useful art for those of us who don't track down spies in our free time, since most of what you can figure out by looking at a person's handwriting is most likely something you'd know if you spent five minutes with them. However, this can be useful if your pen pal is from Botswana.

• Neat handwriting with round letters and no slant indicates that the subject is favored by their teacher.
• Small handwriting indicates a subject's keen attention to detail.
• Large handwriting indicates a subject's need for corrective lenses and/or blatant disregard for the planet's natural resources.
• Sharp and/or messy handwriting indicates a subject's desire to hurt you with a knife.
• If the subject dots his/her i's with hearts, they are most likely psychologically unstable and should be avoided at all costs.
• Round handwriting indicates openness.
• There are many handwriting indications that a subject is keeping secrets, such as letters that slant to the left, an excessively wide right margin, or illegible scribbles. If the subject refuses to participate in the study, they most likely exhibit one of these traits and should be taken in for psycho-analasys.

   Try this on your friends! Try it on your enemies! National Handwriting Day only comes once a year, you know.
   Thanks for reading, and stay tuned! Tomorrow, Compliment Day descends upon us!